I find it hard to get over some things.
I find it hard to get over anything– particularly when I’m trapped beneath it.
Struggling, straining, screaming, against it–While simultaneously aching, aiming, and pining for it.
I am exhausted and enraptured by my emotional contradictions –I sprint to the finish, I am going this alone.
I am loving.
I am living.
I am continuing my story.
God damn. I’m lost. But, I am.
;
Emotionally unavailable
You wrap around my mind
Flirting with disaster
Falling deeper
Falling faster
—
Falling deeper for another
For whom I am “the other”
There’s no possible way
That I can settle for this
—
So we’ve hit rock bottom
And I’ve started to dig.
I suppose I’ll be proceeding alone.
I’m short with you because you cut me down
When I’ve already been cut enough
I don’t need another knife in my back
Another keeper
Another judge
So keep it to yourself
And I won’t tell you how I’m feeling, either–
Because honey, don’t even get me started.
High atop my wire
I balance
Considering my choices
Past and present
One foot in front of the other
No return to safety
The fear of falling – constant
Hanging in the balance
Waiting
A steady breeze, a strong word
Enough to end it
A constant battle
Emotional and physical feats
I’m done with this circus
Fine defending my actions
Done defending the cuts that run deep
Done defending this entire affair
Forget it? Impossible
The highs of the single strand
The bone crushing lows of my fall
But move on?
I must
The warmth of human touch
Please,
Before another word
Crosses your sweet, perfect lips
Take your foot from my neck
And allow me one last breath–
To defend, define, dismantle myself
As you seem low on ammunition
And after all, I live to serve
Shine bright
Wrapped up in your awareness
A speck on your horizon
I’m blinded by your light
Astride a horse as high as your standards
No one will do
But her
So I suppose
Until that day
I’ll be here
Sing, Little Bird 